Everyday stories of casual randomness
by Archaon
Summary: A collection of oneshots parodying everything and everyone. MMZ, ZX and now Starforce too, soon to extend in all megaman series. Pure crack in all its glory. The new chapter is a Starforce chapter: A not-so-new breakthrough.
1. Z: awakening?

Ok, I don't know why I'm writing that. Perhaps for the ideas I can't really put in my main fic, perhaps just for fun.

Primary disclaimer: I do not own any non-original characters and situations that belong to Capcom or any number of other companies and persons whatsoever. You can sue me but you can't find me. Any original characters belong to me, unless otherwise indicated. You might use them if you ask politely and receive an answer. This goes for this chapter and all subsequent ones. If you are still reading this, you have no life.

Secondary disclaimer: Expect major OoCness, swearing, perhaps some Ocness, spamfic, some crossovers, some references to major fic, character torture, death or resurrection, unreal situations, silliness, tiny chapters and random update intervals. I will not write yaoi, yuri, limes, lemons or anything on such basis, unless the world topples itself or unless specifically indicated with **BOLD, UNDERLINED CAPS**. You have been warned.

Also, flames will be nuked.

* * *

Time: start of MMZ1

Place: underground laboratory

The military reploid and the young human girl dressed in pink were cornered by an army of X-droids. Suddenly, a triple stray shot coming from the arm cannon of one of the pantheons, who usually can't hit an elephant from three meters, hit the soldier and killed him, spraying his blood everywhere, though he was supposed to be a reploid and coolant isn't usually red...

"Milan!", screamed Ciel as she kneeled down desperate, ignoring the sewage water and the weird fact that though, as we learned in MMZ3, this place is far below the ground, the sunshine still reached it.

An annoying small presence that, since that time was good for nothing more than a sentient spotlight, screamed Ciel's name twice, the young scientist's ears obviously blocked due to said red coolant.

At long last, she answered with a "Huh?", hardly a response to define a pedigreed prodigy.

"You should use my power! You have no choice!" _Also, **I** have no choice. How can she cook energy crystals and make them taste so bad. I have no will left to live!_

"What? Passy, if I do, you'll be..." _And then how will I be able to exercise my awesome cooking skills. According to the script, Zero likes good food._

"Don't worry about me! Remember, everyone is waiting for your safe return!" _Yeah, right. They are only afraid of losing their human shield._

"Okay, thank you." _Everybody loves me so much..._

"No, I should thank you, Ciel. With you I learned what friendship is. I saw you evolving into a strong person, breaking the bonds of Neo-arcadia and trying to correct your faults. It was an honor to exist close to you for so much, even if it is actually the span of a game intro or some crappy spamfic. I want you to know that..."

"Hey, can we get this over with?"

Ciel and Passy turned to the pantheons, who were sitting on the ground, eating popcorn, then regarded the source of the voice. The reploid know as Zero had cracked open one eye and was regarding the duo.

"Hey, don't interrupt my angsty monologues, red boy. My lines were too few in the game to give me a decent personality."

"Well, sorry, but first of all I am now mostly black and second, I have been itchy for the last damn century. I could use a hand here. My hand.

(Cut!)

* * *

Yeah, pitiful, but I had to take it out of my system... 


	2. Z: Armor trivia

Hey, what is going on here? Not only there are people actually reviewing but I get requests too. Am I hallucinating? Well, I am, but what the heck. Brace yourselves, more silliness coming...

* * *

Time: Any after start of MMZ1

Place: Resistance base, any

Title: Armor trivia

Ciel placed her legendary visor back on her forehead. After 48 hours of research and some gallons of coffee, she at last decided to take a small break.

_Damn, how can I concentrate more than 12 hours when Zero won't even pay me a visit. I wonder what my Zero-chan is doing right now._

Ciel walked away from her room, her steps leading her to a certain legendary crimson reploid weapon master, whose name I will not mention, Zero.

Curiosity and sleeplessness dominating her mind, she placed her ear on the door before her, trying to distinguish every single sound wave. She was rewarded with a high-pitched sound, like the one a fork would produce on a smooth and hard surface that made her cringe. Her weary mind raced, jumping into outlandish conclusions.

_A mouse skiing in the fridge? A cat on roller-blades following it? A chalk on a blackboard? Zero scratching something? An operating system malfunction? Nah, that's impossible, I made that. A Neo-Arcadia infiltrator?_

She stood there stoned for a few seconds, trying to realize the gravity of her last thought. She reached for her concealed, tiny, low energy buster and rushed into the room. "Hang on, Zero. I will save you."

The scene inside the room was far from what she had been expecting. She first noticed Zero's armor lying on a chair. She looked expectantly and located the owner.

_Oh, what a pity. He is wearing a robe. _"Is everything alright, Zero?"

Said reploid turned to regard the unexpected guest. "Yes, everything is quite fine, Ciel. Is there a problem?"

Without waiting for an answer, he resumed what he was doing, causing Ciel to gasp in disbelief.

The black jumpsuit he always wore beneath his armor was hanging from a nail against the wall. Zero had his Z-saber activated and was forcefully rasping it on the garment.

"Wh...what are you doing there, Z...zero?" _Has he gone mad from stress? Will my insurance cover that? Will I be able to find another legendary errant boy? X had told me about some 'Axl' guy, too."_

"Calm down, Ciel. I'm just sharpening my blade. What is so weird about that?"

"But it is a simple piece of clothing, right?"

Zero chuckled. "I remember absolutely nothing about my former self, but have you ever seen what my old armor looked like?"

Ciel reached for her pocket, that couldn't actually ever exist on the clothes she wore, and produced her personal, King-sized, Zero fangirl album. At page 678 she found a good pose of Zero in his old armor and then regarded his new one.

"Yes, the old was a bit bulkier..." _Hauling that thing around in so many wars must have caused him psychological problems...Don't worry, Zero-chan. Dr. Ciel will help you._

"However, my body seems to remember that the old armor was not as good as this one. This jumpsuit is the secret. The nano-strings inside it make it more resilient than three meter of solid titanium."

Ciel settled down, confident she wouldn't have to go to another wild goose-slash- legendary maverick hunter hunt. After a while, she spoke again.

"But, Zero, why would an energy weapon need sharpening? You once told Axl that when you turn it off and on again it becomes as good as new."

Zero looked at Ciel incredulously. "First of all, stop peeking at other fics on this site. It's unnatural. More importantly, stop indicating the obvious plot-holes of this spamfic. In Light's name, Ciel. The games themselves have so many as it is! If you keep that up, we will stay here forever!"

"Umm...Sorry?"

(CUT!.! )

* * *

You can't say I didn't warn you...

**To DeyaX: **Well, if you actually think it's funny... Keep both of them, Deya. That's what I do.

**To mad-man: **Well, that was your request, you are partly to blame. I was too lazy to think something better...

**To ... ...: **I warned you! Ciel's cooking is really bad. I have thought why, but I might even place it in the main fic. It is actually believable..

**To Demented-Demon:** Yes, completely random. Ciel is a bad cook anywhere. She is not a flawless superhuman, only close... I have thought one crossover...Stay put.


	3. Z: The Levi and the Fef

Another completely pointless installment... Well, since I still get reviews...This will be a crossover of sorts...Perhaps. A cream cookie to whoever finds out from where. If you know the show, it's obvious though...

* * *

Time: after MMZ2

Place: outskirts of Neo-Arcadia (?)

Title: The Levi and the Fef

(Start music)

The Levi and the Fef,

the Levi and the Fef,

one is a genius

the other is... Fef

I want to go on,

but can't find the words

The Levi, the Levi, the Levi and the Fef Fef Fef.

(End music)

Fairy Leviathan and Fighting Fefnir stand in an empty alley of Neo-Arcadia. It is evening and though this is a paradise where humans celebrate all the time, no one is out, exactly like it was in the games...

Leviathan seemed to be thinking hard, while Fefnir was singing a silly song.

At long last, the blue guardian shot a murderous glance to her brother. "Will you just shut up? I'm thinking here. I have to plan for tonight."

Fefnir stopped singing, mainly because he couldn't remember the song's words, music or tone for the last five minutes. "Why? What are we going to do tonight?"

Leviathan rolled her eyes. "The same thing we do every night, Fefnir. Try to defeat Zero."

Fefnir's face beamed and his buster appeared out of nowhere, as usual. "That's a good idea I have some issues with Zero?"

(Pan to Fefnir's mind) "And, ladies and gentlemen, the greatest fighter of all times is Fighting Fefnir." Thousands of girls rush to their hero in his red-slash-not pink armor. (Pan back)

"Yes, me too, Fefnir, me too."

(Pan to Leviathan's mind) Zero is tied in her room and (CENCORED due to lack of NC-17 category on site. Pan back.)

Fefnir scratched his head. "But how are we going to do it? Every time we try he kicks our butts."

Leviathan smiled wickedly, nefarious boss music playing all the while. "This time, I will use my last genius plan. I'm not the best hacker around for nothing."

"Ciel counter-hacks you every time."

Leviathan fumed. "I'm better than her! I taught her everything she knows! She just keeps better company...I mean has better equipment."

Fefnir's face lit up. "Oh, I see."

"Shut up, now. I can hear him coming. Stick to the plan."

"Um...If you say so..."

Zero was walking down the alley whistling. _Who would have ever thought that Harpuia would become such a great drinking buddy after I saved his life. He is not really bad, he just hates almost everyone..._

Twin shadows jumped in front of him in really cool battle stances. Their faces were hidden in the darkness, but their eyes shone a dark red. The tension rose as nobody moved and...

"Ok, you big guy with a jawed giant buster who is not Fefnir and you skinny girl with the giant harpoon who is not Leviathan, what the hell do you want again", mocked the crimson hunter, obviously bored.

"Haha. This time you fell for it, Zero. We **are** Fefnir and Leviathan", laughed Fefnir, only to receive a backhand from Leviathan. "What!"

Zero shook his head. "If you want to attack me, do it with stealth, dammit. You disgrace Phantom's memory and this is really boring. It falls to me as always to make this dead scene exiting..."

"This time you have no hope, Zero. My calculations are flawless", shouted Leviathan, quite agitated.

Zero smiled and cracked a catch phrase. "When you fight with me, all calculations have only one result. Zero!"

Leviathan stood there stunned. _Damn, he is so uber cool when he says that. I ...snap out of it, Fairy. Think of what you will gain._

Leviathan regained her resolve and turned to give the signal for her grant plan to Fefnir. And found him punching numbers mercilessly into a pocket calculator.

"W...what, for all that is holy, are you doing there, you imbecile?"

"Trying to find which calculations give zero. I found one. Zero plus zero equals zero! The one is Zero, but what is the other?"

"Brainmass, obviously, you idiot. We can't afford to be distracted now. He will..." Leviathan registered her own words and tried to switch into a defensive stance.

Too late. Zero was already falling towards them, saber extended and eyes shinning.

"Shit!"

Some painful seconds later, Zero exited the alley whistling MMZ2 credit's soundtrack. "This would make a great joke for some spamfic, I guess. Wait till Sage hears that."

Back in the alley, the two generals were inside a trash bin. Fefnir was still molesting his pocket calculator. "I found another one. Zero times zero equals Zero."

Leviathan sighed, while trying to collect all her pieces. "Shut up, Fefnir. I'm thinking about tomorrow night."

Fefnir glanced at her curiously. "Why, what are we going to do tomorrow night?"

Leviathan sighed again. "The same thing we do every night, Fefnir. Try to defeat Zero."

"Oooh, I see!", said Fefnir, while snatching his calculator, which was trying to sneak away from the maniac.

"Got me another one! Zero minus zero equals Zero!"

(CUT!)

"What if I divide with zero?"

(CUT, I said!)

"Error? But why?"

(CUT, please!)

"Zero usually divides everything with his saber!"

(sob)

(music start)

The Levi the Levi the Levi and the Fef, Fef, Fef, Fef...

(music ends)

(Vegetable rain)

* * *

Is it only me, or is this thing becoming worse by the second?

**To Acrid Fop:** Ciel is giving insomnia a new definition...

**To Sestren NK: **If I seriously(?) start pocking at plotholes, the whole category will go down to the drain...

**To Hayvel the Great and Awesome: **I can only pray it's not Ciel's...


	4. Z: Red, scarlet, crimson

Yep, I'm updating. Blame my slight writer's block for that. That's a good way to bash it.

* * *

Time: Any time after MMZ2

Place: generic wasteland

Title: Red, scarlet, crimson

Zero dashes through said generic wasteland and also through useless variant enemies. X in cyber-elf form floats around him, not really having many ways to entertain himself. The cyber-elf bar in the cyberworld is not open yet...

Zero finds himself bored to retirement and initiates hardly relevant information exchange, better known as 'small talk'.

"So, how are you holding, X?"

Zero turns a Pantheon into comfeti with rabid slashes. Blood splashes everywhere.

"Just the usual. Sneaking in and out of Neo-Arcadia effortlessly, cracking security systems, snitching on villains for you. That kind of things."

"Well, I may suffer from complete amnesia, but I remember you never were one to casually have fun."

Zero blasts a Gyro Cannon, that annoying helicopter, with his buster, grounding it and immediately cleaving it in the middle, blood particles spaying all over.

X acts uncomfortable. "Well, you remember much for someone with complete amnesia, but I do get some fun too."

Zero smirks and turns to his partner. "Do tell."

The crimson warrior dashes forward, his blade extended and full of electric currents, stabbing a Shrimpolin that just leaped from the ground, causing multiple dark red spots to appear on his lighter red armor.

"Do you remember Alia, one of our best spotters back during the fifth uprising?"

Zero smiles impishly, causing X to groan. "I couldn't forget **that. **Apart from dyingin obsolete ways and then returning, my main hobby was to try and hook you two together."

The red bomber rises in the air, his saber full of flames as he slashes upwards, reducing a shotloid into burning scrap and releasing a spray of blood.

X frowns. "We were not **that **bad."

"Yeah right"

(pan into old MHHQ command center)

X and Zero materialize on the teleportation pad after a random mission, both a bit battered but otherwise unhurt. Alia forfeits her seat and rushes to them, stopping some seconds later, when she realizes what she is doing.

"Welcome back X...", she says gingerly. "...oh, and Zero", she adds as an afterthought, blushing all the time.

X does his best to ignore the smirk plastered on his friend's face and to fight back his own flushing fit. "Nice to see you again Alia. We wouldn't be here without your help."

"G...glad you think so, X"

Zero leans against a random wall to enjoy the show. Both his friends find the bare floor really interesting, their faces matching his armor, nobody daring to speak or move. At long last, he breaks the silence.

"Yo, schoolkids. Cat got your tongues?"

"Shut up, Zero", answer both of them in unison.

Zero gives a thumbs up. "Perfect match. I told you you belong to each other."

"Shut up, Zero."

(pan back)

Zero dashes in the air, severing a flopper in the middle, then frantically jumps back to avoid the subsequent explosion that fills the air with abundant quantities of red liquid.

X continues to frown. "It wasn't so bad, we were just a bit shy."

"A bit shy? You mean a byte shy."

Zero jumps in the air, then twirls around, his blade extended, scraping a Purplenerple in the process and

Releasing a grim scarlet rain.

"I'm not sure I'm following you", says the cyber-elf, quite confused.

"Have you forgotten the Bit and Byte brothers from the third uprising? The small one and the behemoth one? And you say I'm the one with memory lapses."

Zero executes both a triple slash and an annoying Shellcrawler, an action resulting into geysers of crimson substance.

X slaps a hand on his forehead. "That was not funny, Mr. Zero Omega Wily."

It's time for Zero to scowl. "And you know I hate my full name, Mr. Megaman X Light. Anyway, what about Alia? Have you found her again?"

Zero jumps in the air, then falls on a Deathlock, his blade an electric spike, causing the moving junk heap to detonate and shower the duo with warm blood.

X calms down and smiles. "Indeed. I found her in the cyber-world. She is a cyber-elf too and was very surprised to see me."

Zero smiles sharkly. "I would ask for details, but such a pan would be considered a lemon and the author forgot to post the warning sign."

Zero encounters a stony pillar, a cannon on its top. He simply slashes at the thing, causing half of it to crash on the ground along with the weapon. A wide bow of blood erupts from the cut.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!", says X, all the while causing his aura to shine brighter to hide his face. "We are just friends. And wipe that smirk off your face."

"Alright. I hope you are having fun with your 'just friend'."

Zero eyes a rock, suspecting a hidden trap. After severing it in half, he sighs as it was only a regular rock. Blood spills everywhere.

"Zero, can I ask a question?"

The hunter stops moving to take a breather, though we don't know exactly why reploids must breath. "Sure, X. Shoot."

"Why is everything bleeding? I can understand the Pantheons. And I suppose all mechaniloids use the same red energy fluid. But rocks bleeding? Why is that, one of the author's obsessions or is he trying to appease Hellbat?"

Zero's eyes go wide. "You mean you don't know? But it's pretty obvious if you think about it. This is the Japanese, uncensored version of the game. Everything bleeds here."

"But that leads to many other questions. How can the readers understand us if this is the Japanese version and where the hell are we going anyway?"

Zero shakes his head in resignation. "Damn, X. You are as bad as Ciel. Ask the author, I'm not the one who writes this spamfic!"

(CUT!)

* * *

Hell, I hope it was kind of funny.

**To mad-man: **The Levi and the Fef will get the music theme Oscar, I guess.

**To Hayvel: **Yay! I love sugar...

**To Sestren NK: **Brain's voice? Now that is creepy 0.o

**To zidet**: Oh, boy! You like this one too? I feel loved...

**To DragnStryker**: Well, this is not as funny as the last one, IMO, but yay!

**To Shadow Enigma: **No worries. I mainly write that to help me with the main fic.

**To Uzu-Chan:** first of all: Get that life away from me! I'm trying to hide from it! Second of all, glad you like it and third of all, the address you wrote was eaten by FFnet. To write an address, you do it like that: rock-manga(dot)tripod(dot)com


	5. Z: Gold hunt?

Hi everybody! I know it took me long enough, but remember: These one-shots are random in general. Anyway, although the following is placed in the megaman Zero universe, I'm thinking of expanding to all five megaman series, just to show I'm cool enough to know all of them;-D I have some interesting ideas, but if you think a good one, in any of the megaman series, let me know in your reviews. Even if I don't write the exact idea, I might be influenced by it. Anyway, on with another pointless addition.

* * *

Series: MMZ  
Time: Any time after MMZ3  
Place: Some desert with a sad excuse of a road.  
Title: gold hunt?

Adjusting to the demands of fashion, Ciel had ordered the Resistance mechanics to build a mobile base on a 20XX truck, so that its energy demands would be kept at minimum. Nobody could blame the prodigious girl for neglecting she had already discovered an infinite energy source that could probably be used to send Neo-Arcadia on a vacation trip around Alpha Centauri and back again, or even teleport the whole megalopolis there and be done with it.

Also, nobody could blame Cerveau for not having a new rod weapon or the shield boomerang ready in time for the latest of the games. The poor engineer had to consult a psychiatrist regularly after enduring and striving to fulfill Ciel's... exotic demands. Fitting a plain, ancient 20XX trailer with an Olympic proportions pool, a Jacuzzi bathtub, a cyber-elf production factory, a transerver, a fully equipped and indestructible kitchen and a propaganda center against Weil had been quite a feat. Especially finding kitchen appliance sturdy enough to support Ciel's unique and explosive –literally speaking- cooking style had been almost impossible. Not to mention the compulsory medical station that should fit right next to it.

Needless to say, very few Resistance members were in any condition to travel on the trailer after three months of intense labor. Most of them were busy collecting their wayward parts, anyway. Zero, following an elaborate scheme from his partially returned memories, also known as "get the hell away from work saying you go to practice" managed to pass a relatively peaceful time, with Fefnir only trying to kill him thrice and Leviathan only trying to turn him into her personal slave a meager ten times. The nights he got wasted along with Harpuia in Neo-Silvar's "Joyful Maverick: Restaurant and bar" were the best nights he ever had after being rudely awakened from his century-long dream. Especially since Orson, the owner, had recruited a group of female dancers that would not really dance, although no customer voiced any kind of complain.

However, all good things must sometime end. With the Resistance trailer complete, Ciel decided it would be NEAT to leave the comfort of the main Resistance base and aimlessly travel in the many sad excuses of roads, similar to the aforementioned sad excuse of a road, that ran through some generic wasteland. Through the highly scientific and much discussed method of tossing a coin, the Resistance leader chose one of the two operators to accompany them in their highly important trip, grabbing along the only guard that had managed to reassemble his legs and a poor sob of a spy that had just been transferred from another Resistance branch. Soon after departing, Ciel discovered her step-daughter, Allouette, had sneaked inside the on-board cyber-elf factory and had proceeded to name every single elf therein, teaching them to talk in the process. Needless to say, the constant high-pitched chattering of some hundreds of elves would have driven everybody insane, if not for Zero, who once again won against evil by threatening to stuff all cyber-elves into the same elf container.

When Ciel learned of Allouette's antics, the little girl got grounded, sentenced, under the fearsome penalty of being tickled to submission, to remain inside the trailer at all times, never being allowed to go and play with the radioactive sand outside. Instead, she had to endure spending her time alternatively swimming in the huge pool, suffering hours of Jacuzzi awesomeness and even drawing Weil's face again and again on propaganda leaflets with all the grace and gusto of an eight-year old that has never seen a pencil before.

The first cracks on this spamfic's fourth wall started appearing during an otherwise plain morning. Ciel was driving safely at 150 miles per hour, a rather mundane speed for her when considering the road was extremely uneven and filled with gorgeous, sparkling, gray-hued, awe-inspiring, tear inducing and generally rather mundane... boulders. Zero was almost napping on the co-driver's seat, almost bored to retirement after having to face only ten nasty and absurdly large mechaniloids that intended to kill him this morning. Cerveau had locked himself in his lab's privy, as he did any time Ciel decided to drive, his face pale and muttering something about self-preservation. The engineer had never explained why a reploid would need a toilet in the first place and had only once accused Ciel of flying too close to the ground.

In truth and considering her speed, Ciel was absolutely excused of failing to notice the huge neon sign that extended between two nearby mountaintops. The thing was apparently energized by Ragnarock's power core and was bright enough to paint the sky green and conceal the sun in a meager 300-mile radius. But even if the blonde had succeeded in noticing such a detail on the surrounding landscape, it would have been doubtful whether she could have deciphered the meaning of the words "WARNING: PLOT DEVICE STRAIGHT AHEAD".

Retaining her speed, Ciel never noticed a simple pebble right on her front left wheel's trajectory. The tiny rock went under the huge, heavy-duty, adamantine-reinforced tire and caused the whole trailer to bounce away from the ground. Ciel became terrified and stepped on the brake with all the might she had accumulated from accompanying Zero to nigh suicide missions and from exercising her exclusive cooking technique. She managed to still the vehicle just before a bottomless pit, never seeing the sign reading "deathfic abyss" that fell in said deathfic abyss.

After the young scientist calmed down, she poked the dozing Zero slightly on the shoulder with her index. The red warrior was so startled, he almost reenacted Sigma's "punch canceling to ceiling piercing" technique, which was first demonstrated during the well known flashback of X4. Unfortunately for him, the truck's ceiling was tougher than the cheesy cement his head had encountered then, leading, through the process of (brain circuit) elimination, to a very hurt scalp.

"Zero" started Ciel, ignoring the A-rated string of profanity coming from said foul-mouthed red hunter. "We have a problem. One of the adamantine rods connecting the third and fourth trailer has broken. If we keep on like that, we may lose Cerveau's wagon and losing a wagon in a generic wasteland is three years bad luck. Do something or we will have to endure bad lack for at least the next two games" she finished, quite terrified.

Zero sighed, then went to inspect the damage. "Can't Cerveau help?" he asked after a while, looking around for the genius mechanic.

Ciel shook her head. "After I stepped on that completely unexpected plot device, Cerveau fell in a plothole" she clarified. "Considering the place he was locked into, we can safely assume that the plothole he fell in was in fact..."

Zero made a face, stopping the girl in mid-sentence. "Something tells me I don't want to know" he retorted sighing. "Oh well, it can't be helped" he finished, fishing his saber from its sheath. Holding the weapon firmly, he started charging energy. Five minutes later he was still charging while Ciel was busy writing recipes on the dirt with a stick. At long last he stopped, bringing the sword over his head and slashing downwards mightily. The shockwave moved the mountains around them, uprooting all nearby trees while Ciel finished writing, standing erect to appreciate her unaffected recipes. She then noticed a certain item on Zero's hand, the likes of which she had never seen before. A single, long, golden hair.

Without bothering to explain, Zero proceeded to tie the two wagons together with that single hair, which held firmly, more than replacing the broken two feet thick rod. "My hair is almost indestructible" clarified Zero when he was done, turning to smile at Ciel. But instead of seeing her in her usual outfit, he saw her dressed in a worker's uniform, casually wielding a huge energy chainsaw, approximately two times her height.

"W...what are you going to do with that?" he asked, visibly unnerved.

Ciel's voice resounded slurred. "Don't worry Zero. I'll just take a valuable sample from your golden hair. I swear you won't feel a thing" she answered turning the tool on. "It will be valuable for my research" she finished, walking closer, her eyes dreamy.

Seconds later, Cerveau stepped out of his wagon, covered from head to toe with black goo. "I knew I shouldn't have installed a trans-link connecting to Termina Field's Southern Swamp" he muttered, but then noticed Ciel running behind a screaming Zero, their shadows visible on the sun that was ready to set. "Well, that's a new one" he declared. "That was yet the shortest day in the megaman fanfiction category!"

* * *

End of torture. Next chapter following... when it does;-)

**To Hayvel: **That's my ultimate secret plan. To confuse everybody in believing these one shots are masterpieces. Whoops, I just wrote that, didn't I?

**To Bobcat Moran: **I left the fourth wall for the end, because, apparently, there is no fifth one to break later;-D Thank you very much for the input. I'll consider everything, apart from removing the pans. No serious story is supposed to have them and that's the reason I'll be keeping them close;-)

**To Aria6: **Well, I hope you like this one too. Making fun of everyone is fun by itself.

**To Wolf Hawk Vulcan: **As far as I know the 'Omega' part is fanon. Many authors write him so, but I have never seen official proof.

Anyway, no reading parodies while driving and I expect some ideas you'd like to see written.


	6. ZX: Your Buck is on fire

Yes, yes, I have decided to resurrect this thing. You can stop shuddering now, my pretties...

This is the first non-Zero series one-shot and thus I have updated all my chapter names. The first letter will be the series each one is based: C, X, Z, ZX, EXE, L or SF

**-c-c-**

Series: MMZX  
Time: Just after the acquisition of model A  
Place: On board the train to Legion HQ  
Title: Your buck is on fire

Galleon hunter #56 was a simple creature. Even though one of the more advanced mechaniloids, its sentience remained arguable. That would also explain the lack of fear and nervousness despite the fact its mission was swiftly going the way of Sigma and all other things dead. Said mission had been pretty simple: Board the train, pump lethal energy into any non-allied unit until it stopped being classified as a 'unit' and recover biometal model A. There were many reasons things were going badly. First of all, Prometheus and Pandora, the ones that had deployed it in the first place, were outside its scanning range. That automatically made Buckfire, the Pseudoroid, its superior and even a semi-sentient mechaniloid could tell you that was bad news.

The second reason had something to do with the constantly diminishing number of allied units within said scanning range. When you are a mass-produced mechaniloid, it's definitely bad news when something walks on a straight line towards you while massacring your allies. Apparently, even Galleons can connect two dots with a straight line.

Galleon hunter #56 was actually a special case. Due to a glitch in its systems, it apparently had the capacity to grow smarter in time, perhaps reaching a reploid's level of intelligence in a couple centuries. The problem with untapped potential is it can be wasted by something as simple as a charged buster shot.

Unit #56's potential was wasted by Ashe's charged buster shot.

"Yeah! Another sucker down! You'd better concentrate Grey. I'm already two points ahead and I haven't even claimed any of the booty yet."

Said megamerged reploid sighed. "I told you I don't care about the score. Let's just concentrate on stopping this thing and getting the others out of here."

Ashe pouted at that while relieving another mechaniloid of its favorite components. "Are you always that gloomy or did you wake up in the wrong side of your CPU today?" she mocked, twirling one of her guns with style. "If you keep this up, I'll keep all the booty for myself."

Grey frowned, drop-kicking another Galleon off the train. Instead of turning to watch its fate, he regarded his companion. "You can stop saying 'booty' now", he deadpanned prompting her to raise a brow.

"I like saying booty!" she riposted, sticking her tongue out.

He actually smirked at that. "Even self-promotion has its limits. It's not like you are all that."

She blinked at that, then reddened. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded, yelping as Grey released a charged shot right next to her head, trashing a flying droid during its suicide lunge. Ashe turned to regard the remains of said droid that would have detonated on her head then turned again, only to see Grey totaling another enemy.

"I'm sure you are at least smart enough to figure that out", he replied to her ire. "I'm now one point ahead, by the way", he added while punching a mechaniloid hard enough to embed it into a conveniently placed nearby wall.

"Why you little...", glowered Ashe in response. She would have added what she though about his ancestry and would have been quite accurate despite her ignorance of Master Albert's scheme, if not for a third voice resonating inside both their heads.

"Chat less, shoot more. The more we stay here the more dangerous it will get. It's bad enough we didn't turn tail at once."

Both Ashe and Grey shared a glance at that. "You are a huge coward, aren't you?" commented Grey, rolling his eyes.

Ashe nodded. "Yeah, no kidding. How did you get to be a floating belt buckle of ultimate power, anyway?"

Model A performed the mental equivalent of a sigh. "Just because I'm apparently the only one here without a death wish doesn't make me a coward. A shameless mercenary and a bipolar amnesiac, both with morals! I knew that finding two compatible hosts at once was too good to be true."

"We are still here you know", groused Grey as he dashed forward, approaching what seemed to be the train's engine.

"And you are still my booty", added Ashe while following, gaining a glare from her companion.

The biometal sighed again as they reached a set of blast doors. "You'd better prepare yourselves. I can sense a serious enemy nearby."

"Are they the scythe creep and the witch woman? I want to convey my feelings about him trying to kill me twice and then sprouting a pile of gibberish", snarled Ashe, cracking her knuckles.

Grey felt cold sweat under his armor at the mention of Prometheus and Pandora and he could tell through the link model A shared the sentiment.

"I wouldn't be so eager to get our collective booty kicked again", replied the biometal. "And I'm not talking about myself, either", he added sarcastically.

Grey sighed in relief, ignoring Ashe's indignant frown. "I gather it's not them, then. A good thing, too."

"I could take them", she snapped, although she sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.

None of her companions deigned to respond and they soon cleared a second set of doors, proceeding to climb on the train's engine itself. They weren't quite ready for the one waiting for them. The red and brown reploid before them was twice their height and obviously modeled after a deer or some other similar Artiodactyla. The flamethrowers grafted in his arms, the very visible and busy steam vents all around his body and the occasional sparks around his person gave a serious hint concerning his elemental properties.

"Model A! You broke rule", came his voice, delivered in a grating monotonous voice that prompted the other three entities to consider whether their adversary was smarter than the collective global doughnut population.

Ashe blinked at that. "Former boyfriend of yours?", she asked, not surprisingly addressing model A.

Grey winced at the biometal's response, which resonated through the majority of his cranial cavity. "I'm a male dammit!"

Ashe blinked again, absently massaging her temples. "You could say so from the beginning, you know.'

Grey nodded. "No kidding, I had some serious doubts about that."

"You guys suck", replied model A, mentally sulking.

The apparently forgotten boss snorted, then went on. "You select defective boy and weak girl as host. No good."

A twin glare followed that statement. "Oh, really?" responded Ashe, while her companion simply drew both of his pistols.

The not-so-bright boss nodded. "Me Buckfire. Me Pseudoroid. Prometheus and Pandora spare you, but you no escape I."

If the self-proclaimed Buckfire expected an appropriate reaction of fear from them, he was promptly disappointed. Grey snorted, bringing the back of his palm to cover his mouth and half-heartedly trying not to laugh. Ashe, not sharing his discretion, exploded in belly-aching laughter.

"Why you laugh?" inquired Buckfire with equal amounts of confusion and indignation.

"I feel for you, pal", managed Ashe with considerable difficulty, seeing as her guts had decided to perform intricate break-dancing maneuvers. "Of course you'll get 'back-fire' if you are fire-based and overdo it with the bean burritos."

Buckfire snorted once more then attacked, rising in the air and performing a fiery air-kick downwards. Grey and Ashe jumped away in time, though, and the Pseudoroid crashed through the engine wagon's ceiling and landed haphazardly, never expecting such a reaction. As the two megamen landed easily behind him, he turned around, released three flaming crossbow bolts (that raised more than one eyebrow) and dashed towards them in an attempt to tackle them with his bulk.

Now, while Buckfire was admittedly a decent fighter, he had also been thrown off balance by his enemies' questionable reactions. So, it shouldn't come as a surprise when he actually tripped on one of his own bolts that had been embedded on the floor. Grey and Ashe didn't notice the tremble his body's impact caused. They were too busy laughing while keeping their intestines in their designated place.

Model A, also laughing but lacking a body, managed to offer the next comment. "No, no, I figured it out. He is Buckfire because all his attacks backfire. We won't even have to fight him. He'll kill himself at this rate."

Said Flame Stag imitation returned to his feet and rushed forward once more. Even though deer are not know for their berserk rages, he was doing his best to enter one. Ashe released a charged buster shot she had been preparing for some time, eliciting a grunt before sidestepping. Grey was closer to the wall and performed a commendable wall jump, passing above his enemy and nailing him with another charge right below the back of his neck. Buckfire's reaction to that was much more intense.

Grey grinned. "You are both wrong. He is called Buckfire because all you have to do is fire at his back. His mane is his weak point for some reason."

Ashe mirrored his expression. "Nice. How much do you think they'll be offering for stuffed deer heads? Let's hurry up and find out."

Buckfire took a step away from the two, looking quite a bit unnerved. "Me think me screwed now..."

Model A simply giggled maniacally, in a way that would have made Albert proud.

**-c-c-**

"Booty, booty, booty!!" crooned Ashe while counting her share.

Grey simply sighed, leaning on a wall in a desperate attempt to look cool. "I don't see why you're so happy. Sure we got some Zenny, so what? The train is trashed, the Sage Trinity wants us to run errands through the desert, I'm nowhere near finding out who I am and you are still a mercenary with no significant fame. Plus we are stuck with each other since we both need model A to megamerge."

Ashe scowled at him. "Yo, stop glooming up my world, you twit."

Grey sighed again. He had a feeling he would be doing that a lot during the next days. "Why can't we just use a transerver to go to Legion anyway? It just doesn't make any sense."

Model A appeared floating next to them. "That's hardly the problem here. The real question is, why are both of you in this story? I thought the players had to choose one of you in the beginning."

The three of them looked at each other then shrugged.

"Who cares?" exclaimed Ashe. "The booty is all that matters."

Model A nodded. "Yeah, no sense trying to explain spamfic plotholes. We have enough of them in the canon, thank you very much."

Grey also agreed. "Let's try to pass through that old security tower next. I hope we won't meet any more weirdoes like Buckfire there..."

"Oh please, it's just a shaky old tower", replied Ashe dismissively. "What could possibly go wrong?"

**-c-c-**

And that's the end of this. I refuse to apologize for this story and the crude humor therein as well as for any of the jokes I have ripped from elsewhere. I'm thinking of writing a Starforce chapter next, but we'll see. Suggestions are always welcome.


	7. SF:A not so new breakthrough

In this new installation of general wackiness I get to tap a tiny part of the huge potential that is Rockman Starforce. I will be using the Japanese anime names for this one, as well as the appropriate name suffixes, when they apply. For example, Geo will be Subaru, Omega-Xis will be War-Rock, etc. Knowledge of the EXE continuity will make things a bit clearer.

**-c-c-**

Time: Some time after the whole Andromeda mess, since the Tribe season is still running and the second game is still untranslated.  
Place: The wave world.  
Title: A not-so-new breakthrough

Our favorite wave-human superhero, that had accidentally been dubbed Rockman by the token clueless police officer, was travelling the wave roads at barely sub-light speeds. The order of the day was training since both component beings of Rockman, Subaru and War-Rock, firmly believed Andromeda was merely the beginning of their joined adventures. This is Capcom we are talking about, after all. The victory they had scored over the gigantic and mindnumbingly lethal planet destroyer had been circumstantial at best. None of them complained about pulling a victory out of where the sun doesn't shine, but that did not mean they got to rest on their laurels. At least not too much.

War-Rock, despite getting surprisingly close to being domesticated, had always been and would always be a warrior. It was part of his nature and a way to establish his identity in the Cosmos. Of course, if anybody were to say that to him, he would tell them to stop geeking out.

War-Rock is known for his peculiar take on tact and people skills, after all.

Subaru, on the other hand, had never been a warrior before, in any kind, shape or form, but that didn't mean he could not enjoy the action. Thanks to War-Rock he had learned he liked to be a protector despite the dangers involved. After all, if you are the only one that can make a difference between life and death for everything sentient in a planetary radius, you might as well enjoy the perks. Also, meeting a pretty, adolescent female singer that had the potential to grow into a seriously hot girl in the future was definitely a perk. Not that he was about to admit it.

"Fess up, Subaru. You really have the hots for Misora, haven't you?" Naturally, certain alien masters of subtlety had different ideas.

Rockman suppressed a groan. "Battle card, Brave sword 3!" he declared, rushing ahead and wasting a couple of lowly Metennae with his newly-formed blade. "Misora-chan and I are merely good friends War-Rock. We only recently met each other untransformed, after all."

The alien grafted on his left arm laughed aloud, grateful that the AMAKEN Star Carriers made the Predation procedure obsolete. It's easier to tease your host human when he is not trying to staff your mouth with battle cards. "Not buying any. Incoming to your left!" he warned casually, and Rockman complied, instinctively leaping to the right and avoiding the large tongue of fire a Melamander virus breathed. "You think I never saw the way you have been ogling Harpnote ever since the first time we saw her?" he asked smugly.

The wave human introduced his blade to the flame-virus' favorite inner waves, then changed his body frequency, backpedaling right through another virus that was going for a sneak attack and stabbing it on the back. "What you call 'ogling' I call threat assessment. We didn't know where her loyalties lied back then. Battle card, Fire Ring 3!" He blocked a wooden spear with his Brave sword, then send a flaming wheel right in the wood virus' face, deleting it instantly. He frowned when his blade reached its limit and dissipated. "Battle card, Break Saber! After all, you are supposed to keep your eyes on the enemy. You taught me that."

Instead of arguing, War-Rock nodded. Or more accurately, the Flame Ring launcher on Rockman's hand nodded, which looked increasingly ridiculous. "Yes, yes, I see", came the alien's voice, tinted with an entirely condescending tone.

Rockman sighed. "You are mocking me, aren't you?" he stated more than asked. He launched another two rings in different directions, his eyes narrowing when only one of them deleted a threat. "Great, a Black hole virus. Need to get close…"

War-Rock offered his advice almost as an afterthought. "Go from the right. It will give you a speed advantage. And I am not mocking you, I'm merely observing how susceptible humans are when it comes to denial", he returned, just as the powerful Break Saber ripped through the elusive virus.

"Misora-chan and I are only eleven, War-Rock. Humans are still considered kids at eleven", he reminded him as both his hands returned to normal. "I don't see any more here."

The alien, now visible, turned his head and smirked openly towards his host. "Only kids. Right. You two are soooo close to the human baseline. I imagine all humans your age have extensive knowledge of astrophysics and rocket science or manage to live by themselves while being obscenely popular music idols. And of course, all kids at eleven risk their lives, save the world and befriend alien lifeforms." He stopped his little rant for a while, then frowned. "Something's fishy here, Subaru. There have to be more enemies close, but something is confusing my senses. Try phasing through a couple of buildings to your left."

"Will do", replied Rockman, passing through said constructs and only paying attention to avoid crossing through the bathroom areas. "And I don't see what's so unusual about me and Misora-chan. Let's talk about the relationship between you and Harp."

War-Rock blanched at that and Rockman could swear the alien blushed. "Let's not. Take a right after the monorail line. Of course, I could be wrong and you could be pinning for Luna instead. All these 'Rockman-sama' cries are good for the ego, after all."

Rockman twitched. "Inchou and I are only friends and I sometimes feel more like her lackey. You are merely imagining things."

The alien's voice turned sly. "Perhaps you are thinking of double-timing them, then? You sleek dog, you!"

Rockman went beet red at that. Not because he had really been considering War-Rock's admittedly suicidal proposal but rather because his treacherous imagination, something he had loads of, promptly conjured the (in)appropriate images.

It proved to be too much for him and he lost control of his flight, materializing into the real world and falling from a great height, War-Rock head first. "Oy, oy, kid! Snap out of it!" ordered the alien, trying and failing to retain their altitude. "I'm serious here, this will be very painful", he followed as the ground mercilessly closed in. "Subaru!" he bellowed a second later, growing desperate. "Uncle, uncle!"

"Gotcha!" returned Rockman, stopping a mere three centimeters from the concrete ground. "That was payback for the first time you plunged us through a monorail without warning."

"You are no fun", groused the alien after recovering his wits. "The enemies should be just to our left."

They phased through another wall then stopped, both of them gawking at the sight. The building they were in, a large empty warehouse, was full of viruses, as in choke full. The wave lifeforms were piled upon each other in a way that wasn't even remotely comfortable. War-Rock recovered first. "This is bad. There are just too many of them", he whispered.

Rockman nodded. "This looks worse than Utagai-san's virus attraction device incident. Do you think we can turn tail very very slowly?"

As on cue, hundreds of eyes focused on them and narrowed menacingly. "That good enough an answer for you?" inquired the alien sarcastically.

Rockman gulped. "What are the chances of Harpnote dropping in and saving our behinds again?"

War-Rock sighed. "You told me Misora was having a concert overseas. We can still call her and she'll be here in seconds, though. You know how she spoils for a fight."

Rockman dodged the combined ground attack of fifty Mettenae as he contemplated that. "She'll leave her fans hanging. I can't do that to her. Or them. Battle card: Wide Wave 3! It will take time, but we'll do it alone."

War-Rock nodded again, firing charged shots from his mouth to compliment Rockman's other hand that was launching large bows of water at almost gattling rate. "We'll keep that as a last resort, then. Go up! Leap now!" he exclaimed suddenly a moment later.

Rockman, blindly trusting his partner, jumped upward, barely clearing a KaiserAxe virus that had phased in from a different frequency. The gigantic Axe of the wave entity cleaved through a dozen smaller enemies and released a shockwave that injured several more. On impulse, the wave-human looked upwards and blanched. Another KaiserAxe virus materialized above him and went for another attack, this time a vertical chop aimed for his head.

"Battle card, Gravity Stage!" he exclaimed frantically, manipulating gravity to make his body fall faster. His eyes almost rolled off their sockets when he noticed yet another identical virus timing a slash poised to downsize him. With no time to alter his momentum, he changed frequencies again and dived into the ground. "That was a bit too close for comfort", he exclaimed, which was probably the understatement of the year. Later that day, he'd have to explain to his mother why the tips of his two hair spikes were missing.

"We can bail out if you want. They've lost us for now", observed War-Rock. His host was not sure if he was serious or was just trying to goad him into fighting anyway. On one hand, the alien's ideal life entailed periods of slacking off interrupted by periods of glorious, gratuitous combat. On the other hand, The AM lifeform possessed a very developed sense of self-preservation.

Rockman sighed since the point was moot anyway. "We have stirred a hornet nest here, War-Rock. If they can't find us, they'll just rampage on the surrounding neighborhoods instead."

"So, it's your 'helping people' fad again doing the talking, huh? Meh, we'll manage somehow." Both of them secretly smirked at that. Said 'helping people fad' was an inside joke after all they've been through together.

Rockman seemed thoughtful. They were still underground and the total darkness around them made thinking easier. "We just need the right plan. Battle cards: Break Saber, Jet Attack 3, Typhoon Dance!"

Above the ground, the torrents of viruses were almost ready to leave their warehouse and take a destructive walk though the city. After that rude wave-human had stumbled on them, they had been roused enough to gain the desire for personal space. Then the ground beneath them exploded and all hell broke loose. Rockman emerged from the hole, one hand resembling a beak and leading the way and his body spinning in the middle of a tornado. His other hand was extended outwards, the Break Saber at its tip spinning along at maximum velocity. The end result resembled a large drill mounted on a rampant rocket.

The next minute was pure massacre that would only hope it could become a rout. There was no escape, though. Any virus that had the bad luck of being close to Rockman would wish it had never been emitted just before being reduced to its component particles.

After a while, the wave bomber became slower, then stopped altogether, descending to the floor and keeping a hand on the wall while trying to regain his wits. While the Wave Change gave Subaru extreme resistance to motion sickness, he was not immune to spinning like an electron for a full sixty seconds.

"That was awesome, Subaru, awesome!" Apparently, wave aliens are even more resistant to dizziness. "I hadn't even considered such a combo. We need to find a good name for it."

As the world decided to stop dancing around him, Rockman concealed a wince. They had been down the naming lane before and it had been proven they had a very different idea about what a good name is. His names were 'geeky' for War-Rock and the alien's ideas seemed unbearably cheesy to him. Fortunately, there were other concerns they could occupy themselves with. Namely the other half of the viruses that had survived their onslaught and was truly and seriously enraged. "We are not out of the pan yet", he observed, prompting the alien on his arm to realize their only slightly improved predicament.

War-Rock nodded. "Even so, we have been growing stronger constantly. We could have never pulled that against Andromeda or Gemini."

"Battle card, Sword!" exclaimed his host, parrying the twin electrodes of a ZapJoker virus and kicking it away. "I know what you mean. These last days it's like we are thinking similar things. Sometimes I can swear I'm hearing your thoughts."

The alien shot another charged shot, followed by a rapid stream of lesser projectiles. "It's true. You are probably the only entity that knows me as well as you do", he added when his target was deleted.

"Battle card, Wide Sword!" Rockman decided it was time for some more payback. "Even better than Harp knows you?" he asked, making sure to sound as innocent as possible. At the same time, he stabbed a Wibbledum virus almost as an afterthought.

"Shut up!" snapped his wide sword agitated. "Anyway, it's not only our thoughts. Our attacks seem to be stronger at times, too. It's like… like we are in sync or something."

Rockman nodded, then frowned. "A mere sword won't cut it here", he observed as he barely managed to reflect an attack back to its source. "Battle card, Long Sword!"

At that point, both Rockman and War-Rock expected the sword arm to be replaced by the longer blade. Instead, A large aura of power appeared around their body, knocking away all close enemies. Rockman's hands moved above his head by their own volition and words he had never heard before formed in his lips. "Wave Advance: Dreamwave Blade!" His right hand reached for War-Rock's mouth and clasped the hilt of a sword made of luminous green light. He then tugged the weapon, wielding it and slashing once downwards. Thousands of energy beams poured from the new weapon, each forming a copy of the sword and homing to stab at the closest enemies.

Both Rockman and his alien blinked, gawking at the swiftly vanishing blade in their hand and at the enemy viruses that resembled gruesome pincushions. A second later, the Dreamwave copies vanished along with their deleted targets and the two partners remained completely alone inside the now empty warehouse.

"What just happened?" asked Rockman at length.

War-Rock swiftly recovered his speaking capabilities. "I think we unlocked some kind of secret battle card combo. Not sure how that works, though", he replied slowly. Right then and there the alien decided that coming to earth had been the best decision of his life. Despite the boring aspects of the human lives, he was getting more excitement in a month then he would have gotten in a year back on planet FM.

Rockman blinked again, then laughed. "Oh well. We won and we found a new technique. I bet nobody else could have discovered such a power by accident. Such things only happen in spamfics like this one."

Exactly two hundred years in the past, a genius net-battler and his navi/twin brother sneezed in unison.

**-c-c-**

And that's the end of the story. Even though program advances were present in all EXE games and were getting a bit monotonous, I still felt cheated the first time I managed to select a sword, a widesword and a longsword in Starforce 1 and nothing happened…


End file.
